He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
