I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
