We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
barbara walters just said penis...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
