We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
