return my video game
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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