We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
