I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
