at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
