whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
