By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
