i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
