There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
