i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just want to make out with him forever
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
