i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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