No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
