Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
