Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im six kinds of drunk right now
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
