i think my tv is drunk
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
