I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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