i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
