i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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