I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
