I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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