i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
