Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
