Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
