another moral hangover. fuck.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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