There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
