I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
