Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
