i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize