I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
