You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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