my soul wont recognize me after tonight
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Such a big mess for such a small penis
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
