i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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