apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
