what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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