Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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