Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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