I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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