I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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