I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
