its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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