Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
