Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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