I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
