hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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