I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
