I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
