i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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