For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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