we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
