he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Congratulations! We have a period
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
