remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
