i just sent this text using only my big toe
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize