Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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