If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
