I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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