college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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