we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
