I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I AM VODKA MAN
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize