theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
