is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
