I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
