I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
