i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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