those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
